Bill Simmons had one of the most hilarious reactions imaginable to the shocking news that the Boston Celtics traded Jaylen Brown, and it came while he was recovering from a colonoscopy.
Speaking on the Bill Simmons podcast, the lifelong Celtics fan was just waking up from anesthesia when his wife first broke the news to him.
“I’ve come out, and my wife’s ready to pick me up. She goes, ‘They traded Jaylen Brown.’ I had just woken up from anesthesia, and as you guys know, I wasn’t really coherent. I’m like, ‘Where’d he go?’ She’s like, ‘To Philly for Paul George and two first-round picks.’ And I’m like, ‘I think I’m dead. I think I died. The anesthesia killed me, and now I’m a dead person.'”
“I’m just trying to process it. It felt like I had a head injury. I’m like, ‘Are there more first-round picks? Did they get the Clippers’ first?’ And she’s like, ‘Zoe’s really upset.’ So now my daughter, who likes Jaylen Brown… I’m like, ‘Alright, can you read me the trade?’ She reads me the trade. Then I stumble out of the hospital.”
“So when this trade happened at 3:20 p.m. Pacific Time, I had a camera in my a**, and I had Paul George being rammed up my a**. That’s how I’m going to remember July 1, 2026.”
Longtime Celtics fan Bill Simmons found out about Boston trading Jaylen Brown to the Sixers after getting a colonoscopy 😅
“I think I’m dead. … The anesthesia killed me. … Are there more 1st-round picks? … When this trade happened… I had a camera in my a*s, and I had…
— ClutchPoints (@ClutchPoints) July 2, 2026
“So when this trade happened at 3:20 p.m. Pacific Time, I had a camera in my a**, and I had Paul George being rammed up my a**. That’s how I’m going to remember July 1, 2026.”
For someone who spent weeks talking about Brown’s future, the timing couldn’t have been stranger. Just one day before the trade, Simmons argued that the Celtics should repair their relationship with Brown rather than move him.
The 2024 Finals MVP was coming off the best season of his career, averaging 28.7 points, 6.9 rebounds and 5.1 assists, finishing 6th in the MVP voting. And despite the fallout from the failed pursuit of Giannis Antetokounmpo, attempts should have been made to convince him to stay.
But instead, Brown was sent to the Philadelphia 76ers in exchange for Paul George, two first-round picks, and two second-round picks, which ended an eight-year run. The move instantly became one of the most debated trades in recent history, with such a sparse return for a player in his prime.
But Simmons will probably remember the trade for a very different reason.
Long before he had the chance to analyze the basketball side of the deal, debate Boston’s direction or record an emergency podcast episode, Simmons thought he had seen the face of god. But instead he was returned to a reality where Jaylen Brown was traded to Philadelphia.
